It was not only the Australian bowlers who tore into England’s cricket team on the first day of the Ashes on Wednesday — the local police also got in on the act.
Queensland Police did not pass up the chance to poke fun at the demoralised England team, tweeting: “Queensland Police are launching an investigation into a group impersonating a Test batting order at the Gabba.”
England made a disastrous start to the hotly anticipated series, bowled out for 147 at the Gabba ground in Brisbane.
They lost opener Rory Burns to the very first ball, and it hardly got any better for Joe Root’s men after that.
The police force had already shown that it was keenly watching the Test match, name-checking several of the Australian team when it provided a “traffic update” in Brisbane, capital of Queensland state.
“A large crowd for the first test so plan your Cummins and goings,” it tweeted, a reference to Australian skipper Pat Cummins.
“We’d be Lyon if we said there’ll be nothing but Green lights near the Gabba. Don’t say we didn’t Warner. “
England slump to 147 all out
Cummins took five wickets in a scintillating start to his captaincy as Australia routed England for 147.
After Root won the toss and opted to bat, the Australian pace bowling trio of Cummins, Mitchell Starc and Josh Hazlewood ran riot to bundle the tourists out in just 50.1 overs.
Cummins, in his first game as Test captain since taking over from Tim Paine, claimed 5-38, while Starc took 2-35 and Hazlewood 2-42 as the English batters failed to adapt to the bounce and movement of a Gabba green top.
England lost Burns to the first ball of the match, Starc bowling the left-hander around his legs.
Dawid Malan, who scored six, and Root, for a duck, quickly followed as a shell-shocked England slumped to 11-3.
“It was a dream start really — it wasn’t a bad toss to lose and I thought we all bowled really well and did our jobs,” Cummins said.
“To keep them to 150 was a tremendous start. I was really proud of how consistent and composed everyone was.
“Personally, it was nice to get a couple of wickets at the end to make it a five-for — it was just a really good start.”
Cummins chimed in to remove the dangerous Ben Stokes for five and leave England struggling on 59-4 at lunch, on a hot and humid Brisbane morning.
It was only a momentary respite. In the first over after the interval, Haseeb Hameed edged Cummins to Steve Smith at second slip to leave England teetering at 60-5.
Jos Buttler came out and launched a fightback with a glittering array of attacking shots to put the Australian attack on the back foot for the first time.
However, with the score on 112, Buttler — who had reached 39 — feathered a catch to debutant wicketkeeper Alex Carey.
Six runs later, Ollie Pope was caught at deep fine leg for 35 to give Cameron Green his first Test wicket.
England’s flimsy challenge was all but over, despite some late hitting from Chris Woakes, who was the last man out for 21 as Cummins mopped up the tail.
Pope said England had failed to adapt to the conditions swiftly enough.
“They bowled very well and the steepness of the bounce you get at the Gabba — the pitch felt quite soft and I think that tennis-ball bounce probably dragged a few shots that you don’t have to play,” Pope said.
“It’s probably the adjustments you have to make on a day-one Gabba pitch that we didn’t make quickly enough.”
Pope said it was imperative that England bowled at the same level as their arch-rivals when play resumes on Thursday, the day’s action having ended prematurely after heavy rain.
“I think it will quicken up and the nicks will definitely carry so if we put it in the right areas early, hopefully we can make some early inroads,” he said.